The Three Foot Mystery

Can anyone explain to me why, when we have two stories of house to play in, my children insist on playing within three feet of each other, all the while complaining about the other ones touching them or generally just irritating each other to pieces.  S  P  R  E  A  D     O  U  T, for crying out loud. 

Guilt Trips

The three year old is really working it - now often when he gets disciplined he responds with a teary, "You broke my heart!"  How do they learn this so early?  Psychology major in the making?

Family Portraits

You know when your 8 year old draws a family picture and you have a cartoon bubble above your head that says, "Go to time out Joe!" that you have problems.  Seriously. 

Gruesome or Just Boy Stuff?

So, as I was cleaning up the floor from the millionth mess of the day today I noticed a dried, red drop on the pergo.  As I examined further, I saw a few more drops and I realized in horror that I was actually following a trail of blood!  A terrifying mystery?  I called all three boys to the crime scene. 

"What is this?" I asked each of them, pointing accusatorily at the floor.  Blank looks on their faces. 
"It's blood!"  I say dramatically.  Blank. 
"Blood?"  one of them asks, puzzled.
"Yes, blood," I respond and begin checking them over.  No telltale bloody nose, no cut on the foot.  "Where did the blood come from?" Still blank. 
"Have any of you been bleeding?  Are you okay?  Why didn't anyone tell mommy?"  Nothing.  Then realization begins to dawn on the three year old.  I can see it in his eyes and I focus my questioning on him.
"Sam, are you bleeding?" 
"No, mommy."
"Are you sure?"
"I was bleeding."
"Where did you get hurt?"  Mumbles incoherently and gestures in the general direction of his lip.  Mystery solved.  He apparently bumped his lip, though there is no real sign of trauma and he didn't feel like it was important enough even to come get a magic mommy kiss.  Ahhhh.  It all seems to be okay now.  It's just boy stuff.   

And in this Corner...

My children look as if they have been in a boxing match.  The five year old has a goose egg on his forehead and the three year old has a big cut on his bottom lip.  What happened?  Did they get in a fight?  No.  They are boys.  They simply happened to themselves.  "Cut on the Bottom Lip" didn't realize his own strength when he banged his head on the floor.  You would think that he might have considered that smashing his face into the pergo flooring would be uncomfortable.  "Goose Egg" had a close encounter with the wall.  Depth perception sweetie.  Poor kids.  ARGH. 

The Perpetual Time Out

I don't know what the deal was today, but most of the day my children took turns spending it in the time out corner.  Often, multiple corners were in use at the same time.  Finally I banished them all to quiet reading on the couch.  For a solid two minutes there was a blissful silence in my home.  Then it began again.  "Mom, Sam is shooting (with a gun made solely of his own hand) at me!"  "His foot is touching mine!"  (Mom internally bangs head on the floor repeatedly.)  Seriously? 

You can't always wear camo

This was our discussion this morning:

Me:  I laid out your clothes - I need you to go get dressed.
Josh:  Okay.

Josh returns moments later, holding the shirt I put out for him and looking disgusted. 

Josh:  I don't want to wear this.
Me:  Sorry, that's what you are wearing today.
Josh:  But it doesn't camoflauge with anything!
Me:  That's what you are wearing. 
Josh:  Man, I am gonna die for sure!

Really.  I have to make him wear something other than camo occasionally.  I just have to.